fantasy?

i fucking wish. then i could just wish these fantastical feelings away and just be done with it already. i'm tired of defending myself. i'm tired of defending my love. what is the point? so you can unleash more angry and hurtful words at me? you win then. did you think i could ever compete? i am a flawed woman in love with a flawed man. my feelings are not fleeting. if e were, i certainly wouldn't give two fucks now. you think i don't get it...but do you? you loved me the best way you knew how...yeah. i know. for a year and a half i knew. but finally...you were able to give more... you were finally able to show me. then maybe i got resentful. maybe i thought, "what took so fucking long?" yeah. maybe i even got greedy. so now what? i'm not living up to the love you're giving now?! you sure gave up on me pretty quick. but don't mistake this for a pleading to take me back. no. it's venting. it's a way to release the hurt. i have to let go because there is nothing to hold onto. i'm a flawed woman in love with a flawed man. period.

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